Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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