i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize