i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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