Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize