I'm going to jail i love you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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