"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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