Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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