i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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