Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize