My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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