member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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