I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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