Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize