I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize