i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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