matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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