I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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