I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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