There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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