He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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