i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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