I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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