He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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