I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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