I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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