i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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