the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize