I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize