the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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