We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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