ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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