I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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