I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize