Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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