Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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