So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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