I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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