Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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