Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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