Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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