the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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