im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Panties = found
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize