FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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