I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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