I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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