We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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