I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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