I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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