Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize