clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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